


...And Shattered Dreams

by Catw00man



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Community: springkink, M/M, Mirror fic, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-21
Updated: 2011-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:32:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy let Ed out of the military early on one condition. Tonight Ed pays the price. This is Ed's take.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...And Shattered Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nights of Longing…](https://archiveofourown.org/works/267591) by [Catw00man](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man). 



> This fic is actually one of two and I recommend reading this fic second. The first fic is [Nights of Longing...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/267591) and is sort of like a mirror fic but not exactly. Basically this story couldn’t be told without both points of view so I did them both. Hope you enjoy my little experiment! Also, a huge thanks to [](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zippit/profile)[**Zippit**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zippit) for the awesome beta! She actually helped inspire this one with her excellent con crit!
> 
> Fill for the [springkink](http://spirngkink.livejournal.com) prompt: _Fuhrer!Roy/Ed – Submission – There was one rule he kept specifically for Fullmetal._  
> 

He’s late, but it can’t be helped. Getting away to Central on his own is getting more difficult every year. He’s running out of excuses to give Winry as to why he needs to even make the trip. It’s not like he can tell her the real reason. The truth is he shouldn’t be coming at all, but he has no choice. Mustang didn’t have to allow his early discharge from the military early. He could’ve kept him as his dog for a while longer and there wouldn’t have been a damn thing Ed could do about it. So he made this one stupid condition and like a jackass Ed keeps coming back.

He really is an asshole.

Ed reaches the edge of the parade grounds and in the distance he can see the dark windows on the second floor of the presidential compound. They may be dark but he knows he’s waiting for him. He’s always waiting for him. He probably has the lights off so he won’t have to really see him later. That’s the way dirty little rendezvous are supposed to be anyway, aren’t they? Ed shakes his head and skirts around the parade grounds. It’s not the most direct route but it’s necessary. Roy’s the Fuhrer now, he doesn’t need Ed strolling over in plain sight at this time of night. It wouldn’t be seemly and the last thing he wants to do now is jeopardize the position Roy’s fought so hard to attain. What’s a few more minutes when you’re maintaining the Fuhrer’s reputation?

He should stop coming. Roy probably wouldn’t care either way at this point, but somehow he can’t make himself stop. He hates that he looks forward to this night all damn year. It’s not right and he knows it. He should be happy with the life he’s chosen, but every year it gets harder and harder to go back home. He adores his kids more than anything but something is always missing no matter how he pretends it isn’t. This trip only reminds him of the fact and he wishes he could stop coming. But if he does he knows he’ll lose the last thing that really makes himself him. He wonders if this is why Hoenhiem left and he hates himself a little bit more.

Ed brushes his hair out of his eyes when he reaches the presidential compound and makes his way up the back stairs. He’ll be glad when his hair grows long enough to keep pulled back the way he used to. It’s annoying this short and he still feels like an idiot for cutting it. He’d cut it as short as Jean’s last year because he knows Roy loves it long. He thought maybe if he was less attractive Roy would finally tell him to stop coming altogether and it would be the end of this. But Roy didn’t care. He slid those long, pale fingers through his shorn locks same as he always had and all Ed could do was whimper in gratitude. Fucking bastard. Why’s he have to be so damn understanding?

Ed reaches the top of the stairs then walks quietly down the short hallway to his door. He still feels weird coming here. He knows there are guards around he doesn’t see and he can’t imagine what they think of him coming here this late at night. Maybe Roy sends them away once a year, he doesn’t know, but he won’t cause a scene. He won’t do that to him, not anymore. He’s still waiting for the day he shows up and those invisible guards aren’t so invisible and send his ass right back home to Resembool. It’d serve him right for being such an idiot and clinging to the past. Ed stops in front of the large ornate door and takes a deep breath before knocking softly.

There’s no answer at first and Ed shifts on his feet uncomfortably. What if this is the time the door doesn’t open? It’d serve him right for sure. When he left he bailed on everything without looking back. He was determined to be “normal” and do what he should for once. Settling down with Winry was the “right” thing to do, at least that’s what he thought at the time. The military was an evil monster and he was glad to be rid of it, except, it’s not exactly run by a monster anymore, is it? But what good could he do Roy without his alchemy? He was nothing but a useless soldier who didn’t even know how to be a soldier. It was better he got out of the way and stopped holding him back….

The door opens with a soft woosh and Ed’s mouth goes dry when he sees him. Age should have touched him and it has in some ways with the slight grey at his temples and the hints of lines around his eyes. But all these things only make him look more stunning than he ever was. He’s wearing a dark button down and pants that only accent his perfectly pale skin and Ed can’t stand still as those coal black eyes look him over. He can’t imagine what he sees in him now, out of shape and a bare shadow of who he used to be. He waits to see disappointment cross over those perfectly sculpted features but instead he looks at him as if he were exactly what he expected.

“You’re late.”

He snorts softly and his face falls. Roy was probably hoping to get this over with sooner and now he’s ruined any possibilities for other plans for the evening. Ed looks down and pushes his way past him because if he looked him in the eye he doesn’t know what he’d say. Instead he tries to play it cool as if he doesn’t care either. “You’re lucky I’m here at all.” It’s a lie and they both know it. There’s nowhere else he’d ever be on this day. He feels Roy’s eyes on him, taking his measure, and he can hardly stand it. He knows he doesn’t measure up anymore and if Roy wants this over with he can make it short. He’ll even be nice enough to give him a reason. “Can we get this over with? I’d like to get back to my wife.”

Yeah, right, so maybe I can get hit in the head with a wrench for not making sure the kids’ clothes are clear or misplacing an order. He never asked to be a full time nanny and automail shopkeeper, but what else is there for him now? The military doesn’t need a worthless soldier and Roy doesn’t need another weight dragging him down. But he has tonight and he’ll grab on for as long as he’ll let him. Just being this close to him has him feeling more than he’s felt all year and he can’t believe he’s been able to survive on only one day a year for seven long years.

“Well I was going to offer you a drink, but we can do it your way. Come over here and get on your knees.”

Ed locks his eyes on Roy and he can’t help but wish he meant those words. He’d love nothing more than to come in and have a drink like he really wanted him here. He looks him over again and he can’t get over how fucking stunning he still is. Somehow it makes it all worse because it reminds him there was a time he could’ve been Roy’s. Now they’re down to this sad little game once a year that’s nothing but a mockery of what they could’ve been. Roy wets his lips and Ed doesn’t care anymore. This is his night and he’s going to take all he wants.

Ed rushes toward him and pushes Roy back against the wall. He can’t let him change his mind. He still knows how Roy likes it and he’ll use every trick to make sure he doesn’t kick him out after this. He unfastens Roy’s trousers and shoves his hand inside. Ed wraps his hand around his cock and his heart races when Roy hardens under his touch. It’d probably be the same with anyone but he’s happy to pretend. He presses himself close against him and breathes soft against his ear as he runs his hand up his long, hard length. “You’re still a horny bastard.” Fuck, how he hopes that continues to stay true. He remembers all the times before and he wants Roy to remember them too so he whispers soft, “Some things never change.”

Ed slides down his body and tugs Roy’s pants down enough to see his thick cock standing at attention for him. Relief rushes over him at the fact he really does still desire him. Roy could have anyone he wants. He always could and he still doesn’t know why he ever wanted him at all. Ed leans forward to take his cock into his mouth and he savors the taste of him on his tongue. He’s the only man he’s ever been with and there’s one good reason for that. No one could ever compare.

He sucks him deeper into his mouth when Roy’s fingers run through his hair and his hips push up wordlessly asking for more. He wraps his hand tight around his base and strokes him with his hand as he sucks and bobs over his length. Ed’s always wished he could deep throat him completely and he’s certain there are many who’d be much better at this than he is. But he knows what Roy likes and he hopes it’s still enough. He takes him as deep as he can and slides his other hand between Roy’s legs to fondle his balls. At least now he doesn’t have to worry about his cold automail against his skin. Roy never once complained about it but he can’t imagine it felt as good as two warm hands.

Ed takes full advantage of his warm hands, touching and stroking as he moves his mouth up and down his cock. He swirls his tongue over his tip and then takes him as deep as he can. A tremor runs through Roy and he grins around him loving the fact he can bring that reaction out in him. Roy’s fingers tugs at his hair and he growls low around him. Roy’s losing control and Ed wants to push him over the edge even more. He takes him deeper when his hips buck against his mouth and he sucks him hard as he lightly massages his balls exactly the way he knows Roy loves.

Ed turns his eyes up to watch him and heat runs through him at the sight. Even after all this time it’s still the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. Roy is hot as hell when he lets go and Ed growls around him again as he watches him pant for breath. His dark eyes open and look down at him for one brief moment before his lips part in a gasp and he finally lets go. Ed feels his hand fist his hair but he doesn’t care as he eagerly drinks down all he has to give. He’d never do this with anyone else. Never. Ed watches him tremble hard and he carefully runs his tongue over him, savoring every drop as Roy catches his breath. He misses the way Roy used to cry out his name, but he probably doesn’t want to be overheard this close to the door. Or maybe it’s something else….

Roy’s fingertips run down the side of his face and he closes his eyes and leans into the touch. For a moment he can lose himself to the caress and pretend they’re back in time before everything got so complicated. He always used to touch him like this as if he were the most precious thing in the world. But that time is gone and he can’t let himself get too lost. Not when he doesn’t even know if he’s about to be thrown out. He jerks back sharply and sits on his heels. He can’t look at him, not now. Even a glimpse would betray his feelings and he can’t do it. No telling what Roy might do if he knew the truth.

“On your feet.” Roy grabs his arm and as he tugs him up fear shoots through him because he knows Roy’s going to throw him out. Ed steels himself against the rejection, but no, he’s not pushing him toward the door. He’s tugging him further into his suite. The lights are dim, the way they always are, and Ed lets Roy lead him so he doesn’t run into anything. With his luck he’d probably break something important. Suddenly Roy’s hands are on him and he’s being pushed against a low table, no, a desk. He reaches his hands back and starts to turn around, assuming Roy would rather bend him over and be done with him. But instead Roy catches him with both hands and pushes him back until Ed has no choice but to sit on the desk. Ed’s eyes widen when he’s shoved to his back and his breath catches in his throat when Roy’s hands run over his body. Fuck, it feels so damn good to be wanted even if it’s only for a night.

Roy shoves his shirt up and Ed throws his head back when he kisses over his stomach. He hates he’s not as fit as he once was because he has no doubt under those clothes Roy’s as hard and toned as he ever was. But taking care of two kids and running an automail business doesn’t leave much time for sparring, not that he even has a partner anyway. But thankfully Roy doesn’t seem to care as he rubs his hand over his crotch. Ed bucks against his hand and it’s all he can do to keep from whimpering. He wants him so damn much but he won’t beg. Roy’s never been into begging and he won’t start now, but fuck does he want to.

Ed gasps when Roy jerks his pants down and he closes his eyes when Roy’s tongue runs over his cock. He tries to buck his hips up for more but Roy, dominant bastard that he is, pins him down. Fuck he’s missed this so much. He remembers him doing this before and Ed’s body burns with the memory as Roy takes him into his mouth. They needed each other so much Roy couldn’t even wait to take him home. He had to have him right on his desk and it’s a memory that still has him waking up drenched in sweat. Roy sucks him all the way down and all Ed can do is grab onto the desk and ride out the waves of pleasure that nearly have him screaming for more. He tries to hold back the moans but he can’t, not when the object of all his fantasies is sucking him off like that.

“Bastard. Fucking…bastard.” There was a time those words were an insult but now they’re reserved for him and him alone. Ed gasps for breath as he works him over with his perfect mouth and all he can offer is a whimper in response. Roy’s always played him to perfection and time hasn’t changed a thing. If anything it’s made Ed want him more. He wants to watch him but can’t. He’d probably come just from the sight so he throws his head back and enjoys the sweet suction that’s making him lose all coherent thought.

Roy pulls away and Ed shudders with the loss but he knows he’s not going anywhere. Roy’s no tease. He won’t start something he doesn’t intend to finish. Roy tugs his pants completely off and Ed shivers again when he traces his hands up his legs. The automail isn’t sensitive enough to feel the light touch but Ed knows what he’s doing. He was the first one to make him feel unashamed of the metal limbs. Roy always treated them like they were completely a part of him and he’s never understood why. Roy’s hands slide up under his shirt and Ed lifts up so he can pull it off. Then he trails his tongue down his right shoulder and Ed trembles harder because he knows why. Roy used to trace the outline of the automail that way and the memory makes his cock twitch with need and his heart ache with emotion. He spreads his legs wider because he knows what’s coming and he wants it. He wants to be his again.

The cool slick fingers sliding inside him snaps all the control he pretends to have and he has to look at him. He sucks in a breath when he sees Roy’s eyes, black with need and desire, locked right on him and Ed realizes doesn’t know who he is anymore. They’ve hardly spoken over the years and he has no idea what kind of a Fuhrer he is as isolated as he is in Resembool. But he knows this. He knows them. For all the time that’s passed nothing’s changed when they’re together. He feels the familiar stretch been craving since he hopped the train to Central and he needs more. He needs _him_. And he needs him _now_. Ed reaches out for him as Roy pulls his fingers from him and he can’t wait anymore. He grabs his shoulders and tries to pull him closer. For so damn long he’s wanted one thing and one thing only.

“Roy.” His name is a sacred whisper on his lips and he can see something change in Roy’s eyes for a moment. But then the whole world turns into a red haze of passion as Roy slams his hips forward and Ed’s finally whole once again. He cries out loudly at the perfect stretch, unable to keep it to himself and Roy silences him with a hard and hungry kiss. Ed grabs at him, needing him closer. He can’t be close enough. Ed slides his hands into Roy’s hair, tugging and pulling, and he’s rewarded by the low, hungry growl Roy always makes when he does that. He wraps his legs around him as Roy thrusts into him and he wants this to last forever. He wants to freeze time so he never has to leave his arms again.

Roy’s hands slide up and down his back and he kisses him back even harder. Kissing Roy is like sex itself and the combination drives him out of his mind. His body rocks with each of Roy’s hard thrusts, hard and quick and perfect until finally he has to break the kiss to take a breath. His chest burns when he throws his head back and he can barely catch his breath. No one makes him lose it like this. No one. Roy’s hungry mouth makes its way down his throat and all Ed can do is whimper and cling to him even more. He needs to hold on. He needs to make sure Roy doesn’t forget this and he leans forward to nip at his shoulder. He wants to hold onto him with everything he is and he scratches his nails down Roy’s back as he tightens his legs around him.

“Edward….”

The sound of his name on Roy’s lips is nearly enough to make him come undone and he molds his body against his even more. He’s dreamed of that voice growling his name and the sound sends shivers through him as Roy pushes him back on the desk. He doesn’t want him to pull away and Ed reaches out for him again, clawing his nails down his back as Roy kisses down his neck. His body rocks each time he slams into him and each time it sends another explosion of pleasure straight through him. It can’t get any better than this, but then it does when Roy wraps his hand tight around his cock.

Ed cries out loudly because there are no words for this. He forces his eyes to look up and it’s the most glorious sight. Roy, panting for breath, hair slick with sweat and plastered to his forehead as he tries to hold on and Ed doesn’t even care if he does. He doesn’t need to. Ed clenches his muscles tight around him and the look on Roy’s face as he finally loses it is so exquisite it makes him ache deep inside. The low cry Roy makes is worth a year of longing and Ed tries to pull him closer but apparently he has other ideas. Ed whimpers at the loss of him buried deep inside but that’s all he can manage because in the next instant Roy has his cock all the way down his throat.

Ed throws his head back and screams as pleasure hits him so hard it’s nearly painful. Roy’s hands roam over his body and he reaches out blindly as he rocks up into his mouth. He’s helpless, a complete slave to his touch and before he can even register it he’s coming so hard he nearly blacks out. His own harsh breathing is the first thing he focuses on and the next thing is he needs him close. Now. Ed reaches out again and thankfully Roy’s already kissing his way up his body. Ed wraps his arms and legs around him again and when Roy captures his lips in another kiss he melts under his touch. He tastes himself on his tongue and when Roy cradles him in his arms there are no more barriers between them. Ed sucks at Roy’s lower lip then kisses reverently down his jaw.

“I’m sorry I was acting like a shit.” He doesn’t know why he was holding back earlier or why he’ll probably do it again. Every year he thinks Roy will tire of this arrangement they have and every year he shows him in his arms nothing has changed. Ed just wishes he knew if this could ever be more than one single night. Roy makes him feel right in his own skin like no one else ever has. Why, why did he ever give this up?

“You can make it up to me later.” The words are filled with such promise it’s almost enough to make Ed weep. He feels Roy’s lips against his neck then at his ear. “The night is still young.”

Ed tightens his arms around him and burrows his face against Roy’s neck. His throat chokes with emotion but he can’t let it out. He doesn’t have the right. He’s the one who chose another life and he has no right to demand more. If it weren’t for Roy’s condition he wouldn’t even be here with him now. He’d have gone through the rest of his life existing in the world he thought he was supposed to be in. He shakes his head against his neck and then forces out words meant to be teasing but still come out thick with emotion. “Horny Bastard.”

“Always for you, Ed. Always for you.” His words break and mend Ed’s heart all at once because he wants it to be true. He wants this to continue, at least one night a year and maybe one day….

Maybe one day he can have the courage to find out if this could ever be more than a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated. :-)


End file.
